WTFLyme
And...Thank you Lyme.
Saturday, May 3, 2025
May is Lyme Disease Awareness Month
Sunday, March 16, 2025
Living through Tumultuous Times with Chronic Illness
Living through Tumultuous Times with Chronic Illness
Lyme, EDS, Fibromyalgia, Pain, Insomnia, Fatigue, Stress, Doctors, Repeat.
Then throw in all the craziness of the world right now. More stress.
How can we heal when we are in a constant fight or flight mode? How can people that cause the stress live these long healthy lives?
How can other chronically ill patients support people who cause this stress?
I am just so sad.
We live in a world where people do not care about others. Not everybody, but too many.
We have a crazy president and a team of sycophants that surround him and enable him.
We all risk losing Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security. But so many for some reason, still stand behind this maniac. I just don't understand it.
Again, I am sad. In pain, and sad.
I know a lot of balance is needed right now in this world. Trying to do the little things you can, while still taking care of yourself. Trying to stay informed of what is going on in the world, but still taking mental health breaks when you need them.
It's so hard to feel helpless, and hopeless. But I know there are people out there fighting the good fight.
I remember when I used to be able to. Now I watch, glued to my tv screen, watching our country crumble and taking a big part of the world with it.
This is what I want the world to be. I pray one day it will be.
Friday, February 7, 2025
Back Problems
So not it's February 2025
Just a vent...
My back problems started in 1991. That was the first time I threw out my back. I started doing it more and more until about ten years ago I could no longer twist, bend, sneeze or roll over in my sleep without "throwing out my back. I have gone to so many doctors, pain clinics, physical rehabs. I have had a nerve ablation and epidural. Both of those just made me worse. I have gone to several different chiropractors.
I constantly sublux my ribs and have sharp pain in between my shoulder blades. I have bulging/herniated discs in my upper back and lower back. Several of them. I have multiple meningiomas throughout my spine and arthritis and degenerative disc disease. I have an annular tear and high intensity zone at L5Si probably like everyone in this group.
I have bad reactions to most pain meds so I can't take them. Although doctors and the pain management place pushes them on me every time I go. I just react badly to them. And also it seems like the doctor just want to treat pain but doesn't seem to care about the weakness, pressure feeling and numbness that I experience in my legs and arms.
After thirty years of this pain I finally just called a spinal surgeon myself since my doctors and the pain clinic just refused to refer me. They asked me to do two "current" Mris of my back which I did. But they did my thoracic spine and lumbar, but didn't include the si joints or my ribs which is part of my pain too.
Anyways my regular doctors said she was referring me to a neuro surgeon in Madison, Wi cuz of the herniated discs and annular tear.
So I called the hospital to make sure they got them and she hadn't. So after awhile she called back and said she found them and the doctor will look at them in the next couple days and call me back.
Literally ten minutes later the receptionist called me back again and said ok the surgeon looked at your MRI and said he can't help you surgically. And hung up.
I feel hopeless. There is no hope. All I can do is lay in bed all day and night and just be in pain. How can a surgeon not meet with you? Is this normal? Did you meet with yours before surgery?
I have so much pain in my upper back, lower back, ribs, hips, pelvis, groin, knees to the bottom of my feet. If I stand for more than a minute I have numbness all through both legs. I have numbness in my arms and I cannot sit at all.
How is this life? And nobody cares.
Ok, rant over. I know you are all in pain too. I just wonder how everyone got help? And if anyone else has the problem of not being able to take pain meds without bad reactions.
Is there anything natural that works? I have tried CBD, infrared mats, biomats, earthing mats, tens machines, all kind of supplements, chiros, accu, massage. I am trying to meditate, trying to look within to figure out any trauma that might be unresolved, figure out how to heal from within, lots of different diets.
Is this Lyme? Is this EDS? Is this something else? Is it a spiritual thing? WTF is wrong with me? I see so many Lyme patients traveling and living life and my whole life is in bed.
A big part of me is giving up. I can feel it. There feels like t here is nowhere to trun. A lot of shows I watch say you have to find the answer within yourself. I can't figure out how to do that. All I know if I lay here day after day getting weaker and stiffer. I dream about pain, I feel it all day and all night, I can't bend, twist, breath deeply, roll over in my sleep or lift anything. But if I try any meds they make me feel sicker and never take away the pain.
Sorry I know this post is not uplifting, but I'm a realist. And this is my reality.
God, please help me and all that are suffering in this world. There is too much suffering.
Wednesday, January 10, 2024
Seven Years Later
Seven Years Later
So I see it's been seven years since an update.
Well, I'm still here. I have made some really good memories with my family, friends and pets. I have had good days, and I have had bad.
I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer. This loss has been so very hard. And in a way my brother and sister are gone too, they are still alive but I have lost them to addiction and mental illness. This last couple years has been hard on so many levels.
I have inherited a multitude of pets through everyone else's inability to take care of them and from two losses in the family, my Mom and brother in law. I just didn't' think I could take care of anymore pets so when my two 19 year old cats passed two summers ago and my Oliver who was over 19 and my blind poodle Missy, passed, I thought I would just be done with pets. It's gotten too hard for me to take care of them. But here I am, I have my mom's parrot and cat, and my sister's two dogs. I am doing my best to take care of all of them and I love them so, but man it's hard when you can't bend over or walk much. As I write this two of the dogs are sitting here staring at me whining, for what, I don't know. I guess it's time for treats.
Right now where I am at health wise, is basically just not well. My main issue continues to be my back. I just have back pain so bad that I can't sit at all. It's funny because when someone asks you to go do something with them, the first thing they always say is, "you can sit". That is usually the answer to anyone dealing with someone who is sick, they think that sitting makes things better. Well, with this back problem, I can't sit. At all. I can stand for about ten minutes. I can walk for about fifteen. I can lay down.
The problem is that laying down all day makes you weaker and makes your back hurt in a different way. It's just not healthy to not move around. So I work on finding a balance between moving around and laying down that won't hurt me or make me too weak. It's very hard.
As I wrote this, I have been in bed for almost two weeks, plus an ER visit for back pain and near fainting spell. They think I have food poisoning. I don't know what I did to my back, I just got this pressure in my lower back that started to grow. It hurts in my back and in my stomach. When I try to stand up my stomach muscles spasm and tighten. According to doctors this is because the muscles that spasm are trying to protect you from further injuring yourself. The part I don't understand is why no one can find what the injury is that my body is trying to protect.
MRIs show lots of bulging discs from the bottom of my spine to the top. Of course I have degenerating disc disease, doesn't everyone have this at 57, according to my doctors they do. I also have arthritis. In my scans there are lots of words like "minimal bulging" and "minor narrowing" and so my doctors just chalk it up to, "it's normal aging process" it isn't that bad.
But, my pain is bad. Very bad. It is life altering and making me isolated. I just want to play with my grandkids. I want to go on walks with my dogs. Last summer I did lots of these things, when I could. I pushed myself. But that pushing myself, while making great memories, takes a toll on my body. My prolapsed bladder/rectum got worse, my back pain got worse. I just don't understand.
So here I am in bed, another day writing this. I'm shaky from steroids and my stomach hurts from all my natural homeopathic drops, and I just still feel sick. No matter what I do.
I watch my "spiritual" videos all day to keep my mind in a good place. It's hard to do that sometimes when stuck in this sick body. But knowing one day I won't be stuck in it, is a saving grace. Not that I want to die. I want to spend more time with my kids, grandkids and pets. But I do believe after this life is something much better. Although I do believe we cycle through many lifetimes on this earth, so I just want to do this one right so I don't have to keep repeating "sick adventures."
To keep myself busy, I do a lot of art. My kids bought me an iPad with the Procreate app so I can lay in bed and draw! Best gift ever. When I feel well enough to drive, I go on "picture drives." I will pull over at the farms or my favorite lakes and fishing spots and just shoot away with my camera.
I keep myself busy. My body doesn't work but my mind does so I do a lot around art. I have a paranormal blog, a photography blog and an art blog. I have several Zazzle stores that I run and lots of YouTube channels. My busiest YouTube channel is called, "Happy Zazzling" and I had originally made it when I was trying to teach a couple other of my chronically ill friends how to make some passive income, as we are all broke.
So I was having a hard time explaining things in text over chat so I made a couple tutorial videos. Well now I have over 1,000 subscribers and that keeps me very busy. It takes forever to make a video, especially on my slow computer. and answering lots of messages daily.
But it distracts me from pain. Pain meds make me sick. I just can't take them, any of them. So I use distraction a lot. Keeping my mind busy. So art and photography and talking to others in the art/photography community is a Godsend.
So anyways, that is my update. That is what I am up to now. I hope whoever is reading this is doing well. See ya soon!
Here are some things I do with my art:
YouTube Channels
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
Accepting That I am Sick
I am tired of feeling guilty for being sick.
I am tired of feeling guilty that I haven't gotten better.
And I am sad. I want to watch my grand kids grow up. I pray that I can from wherever it is that we go.
Don't feel guilty for being sick.
Find those that lift you up, not bring you down, talk down to you, are condescending to you, even if they do it in the name of love, light or some other spiritual message.
It is not your fault that doctors, friends and family judge you and don't understand your illness.