WTFLyme: Seven Years Later

Seven Years Later

So I see it's been seven years since an update.

Well, I'm still here. I have made some really good memories with my family, friends and pets. I have had good days, and I have had bad.

I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer. This loss has been so very hard. And in a way my brother and sister are gone too, they are still alive but I have lost them to addiction and mental illness. This last couple years has been hard on so many levels.

I have inherited a multitude of pets through everyone else's inability to take care of them and from two losses in the family, my Mom and brother in law. I just didn't' think I could take care of anymore pets so when my two 19 year old cats passed two summers ago and my Oliver who was over 19 and my blind poodle Missy, passed, I thought I would just be done with pets. It's gotten too hard for me to take care of them. But here I am, I have my mom's parrot and cat, and my sister's two dogs. I am doing my best to take care of all of them and I love them so, but man it's hard when you can't bend over or walk much. As I write this two of the dogs are sitting here staring at me whining, for what, I don't know. I guess it's time for treats.

Right now where I am at health wise, is basically just not well. My main issue continues to be my back. I just have back pain so bad that I can't sit at all. It's funny because when someone asks you to go do something with them, the first thing they always say is, "you can sit". That is usually the answer to anyone dealing with someone who is sick, they think that sitting makes things better. Well, with this back problem, I can't sit. At all. I can stand for about ten minutes. I can walk for about fifteen. I can lay down.

The problem is that laying down all day makes you weaker and makes your back hurt in a different way. It's just not healthy to not move around. So I work on finding a balance between moving around and laying down that won't hurt me or make me too weak. It's very hard.

As I wrote this, I have been in bed for almost two weeks, plus an ER visit for back pain and near fainting spell. They think I have food poisoning. I don't know what I did to my back, I just got this pressure in my lower back that started to grow. It hurts in my back and in my stomach. When I try to stand up my stomach muscles spasm and tighten. According to doctors this is because the muscles that spasm are trying to protect you from further injuring yourself. The part I don't understand is why no one can find what the injury is that my body is trying to protect.

MRIs show lots of bulging discs from the bottom of my spine to the top. Of course I have degenerating disc disease, doesn't everyone have this at 57, according to my doctors they do. I also have arthritis. In my scans there are lots of words like "minimal bulging" and "minor narrowing" and so my doctors just chalk it up to, "it's normal aging process" it isn't that bad.

But, my pain is bad. Very bad. It is life altering and making me isolated. I just want to play with my grandkids. I want to go on walks with my dogs. Last summer I did lots of these things, when I could. I pushed myself. But that pushing myself, while making great memories, takes a toll on my body. My prolapsed bladder/rectum got worse, my back pain got worse. I just don't understand.

So here I am in bed, another day writing this. I'm shaky from steroids and my stomach hurts from all my natural homeopathic drops, and I just still feel sick. No matter what I do.

I watch my "spiritual" videos all day to keep my mind in a good place. It's hard to do that sometimes when stuck in this sick body. But knowing one day I won't be stuck in it, is a saving grace. Not that I want to die. I want to spend more time with my kids, grandkids and pets. But I do believe after this life is something much better. Although I do believe we cycle through many lifetimes on this earth, so I just want to do this one right so I don't have to keep repeating "sick adventures."

To keep myself busy, I do a lot of art. My kids bought me an iPad with the Procreate app so I can lay in bed and draw! Best gift ever. When I feel well enough to drive, I go on "picture drives." I will pull over at the farms or my favorite lakes and fishing spots and just shoot away with my camera.

I keep myself busy. My body doesn't work but my mind does so I do a lot around art. I have a paranormal blog, a photography blog and an art blog. I have several Zazzle stores that I run and lots of YouTube channels. My busiest YouTube channel is called, "Happy Zazzling" and I had originally made it when I was trying to teach a couple other of my chronically ill friends how to make some passive income, as we are all broke.

So I was having a hard time explaining things in text over chat so I made a couple tutorial videos. Well now I have over 1,000 subscribers and that keeps me very busy. It takes forever to make a video, especially on my slow computer. and answering lots of messages daily.

But it distracts me from pain. Pain meds make me sick. I just can't take them, any of them. So I use distraction a lot. Keeping my mind busy. So art and photography and talking to others in the art/photography community is a Godsend.

So anyways, that is my update. That is what I am up to now. I hope whoever is reading this is doing well. See ya soon!