Life Threw Me a Curve Ball

So just when you think you got it all figured out, life will throw you a curve ball. I was so sure everything was going to be fine. I was so happy. 2013 brought me everything I ever wanted, moving closer to my kids, a boyfriend that I truly loved with all my heart, a grandaughter. What can be better then a grandaughter?

ENTER CURVE BALL. As much as Paul and I care about each other, and we deeply do, things didn't work out. We will always stay friends and talk everyday. We will always support eachother. but now what?  Erase getting an RV, erase spending time in Cape Cod again, erase everything that we planned.

Now what? Now what do I do. I had planned everything around this relationship. Now I don't have Paul. I announced retiring. Now I have noone to talk to, noone to bounce ideas off of. Now what? All these ventures I planned on taking, do I still do them, just alone? He was my partner, the planner. I suck at planning. I have more of a spontaneous nature. Like just get in the car and drive, just hop on a train not knowing where I'm going and probably not enough money to do it. I got used to sharing experiences with someone. This last year, it wasn't just me, I could turn to him and say look, how beautiful is that ocean? Look, how beautiful is that Raya? Look, how beautiful is that sunset? Now, I have to relearn to enjoy that beauty, alone.

He is good at googling, looking up nice but cost efficient hotels, getting the maps to where we are going, planning out the stops along the way. Just when I was getting used to planning things and made soooo many plans for the next year, bam, curve  ball.

So how do I bounce back? How do I move forward? Hmmm, have to figure it out. And, I will. I don't think the answer is jumping back into activism. I will always support and share and repost what other activists are doing and I will definatly keep my websites, whatislyme.com and Worldwide Lyme Association updated. But all the "he said, she said" crap really burnt me out with planning protests and other awareness events. So no more planning or coordinating for me, only supporting the works of others. And I will still be doing random things, like Public Health Alert (PHA) just asked me to do an interview. So I will still be doing things like this, and writing articles for newspapers. That's the kind of stuff I can do by myself and not get stressed out but still help move the Lyme movement forward.

But I have to be very careful to keep that balance I have been writing about. I don't want to fall back into only "Lyme" again. I want to travel if I can ever afford it, I want to spend at least an hour a day with my kids and Raya, the sunshine of my life. I want to visit new places, even if they are right in my hometown. I just want to be out in nature.  I want to live as much as I possible can.