Feeling Sad

 I feel sad.

I can't sit at all or else my back hurts so very badly.

I can only stand for a couple minutes at a time. When I stand my legs feel like they are going numb, they get all heavy, shaky, twitchy and weird feeling. I just have an extreme need to lay down all the time that is hard to explain to doctor as they rate everything by pain. Not by "weird feelings".

It's been months and I still do not have an appointment at the pituitary clinic.

First they said my doctor never sent over a referral. So I had to message them and ask them to do it again.

Then I called every week for four weeks. Each time they said they got the referral but doctors looking at the MRIs to decide what to do.

Never heard back.

Skip ahead about three months.

I went to my ortho pa in Madison and she said there was a "rejection" on my referral because my doctor never bothered to call in the blood tests she was supposed to, that they "left a voicemail" for her to do so.

The ortho said it looked like she started typing stuff into my chart to order the tests but never completed it. .She seemed upset and re-ordered them for me. So after that appointment, I went downstairs to do the bloodwork and got partway home, and they called and said they did the blood tests wrong could I come back and do them again. So I did.

I literally felt like I was going to pass out. Not from the blood work, that doesn't bother me, just a super sick feeling day. I don't know if it's POTS that makes me feel this way or what. It's like this overall feeling of "I'm going to faint" shaky pukey feeling.

So again, I wait a couple weeks and I get a call from an endo clinic and they make the appointment. BUT when i look her up, she is not at the pituitary clinic. She is a PA from a  different clinic. I feel like with a brain tumor, I want a specialist. I mean I have a pituitary tumor and there is a pituitary tumor clinic, should I not be going there?

So, today I get up and call the clinic again and explain all of this for like the fifth time over the phone.

At first the lady was kinda snarky and snippy to me, and said it looks like they don't have the blood work and I explained I did all that two weeks ago now. She puts me on hold and comes back and says it looks like it was sent to the wrong department. 

She is going to resend it all again, and now I'm waiting again. 

She said she sent it to the nurses and put urgent on it. So hopefully something will get done.

And to be honest, I'm doing all this and getting worked up and in the end, I don't know what I'll even do. Could I even survive surgery, they never go well, I have a hard time healing normally and have issues from every surgery I've ever had. But I guess that is why I want to see a doctor, so I can discuss this with them. Plus, I can't even take pain meds. Why do I have to have all these painful disorders and t hen the inability to take pain meds? 

Just frustrated, sad.